Oh, haha, I was planning on just reusing one of my old pre-written cookie assignment scripts for this.
@Jason, you interested in taking this one by chance?
You're very likely the better diagnostician/troubleshooter, and I know for a fact your javascript-fu is more than good enough for something like this.
I could probably use the freed-up time to brush up on backbone and node instead. Heaven knows I need the practice.